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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26467912">all the silly things we hide</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/yo_let_me_get_a_milkyway/pseuds/yo_let_me_get_a_milkyway'>yo_let_me_get_a_milkyway</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>In the Heights - Miranda/Hudes</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alcohol, Arguments, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Grieving, M/M, Post-Canon, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, but everything is okay, they are literally so bad at this i stg, theyre a lil bit of jerks</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 08:42:21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,018</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26467912</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/yo_let_me_get_a_milkyway/pseuds/yo_let_me_get_a_milkyway</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>benny takes his hand. "we'll do this together, usnavi. okay?"</p>
<p>usnavi looks him in the eyes, tears streaming down his cheek as he feels benny try to wipe them away. abuela will never be back, but he has to learn to let go of her sooner or later. </p>
<p>he smiles, a little scared. "okay."</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Benny/Usnavi (In the Heights)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>21</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>all the silly things we hide</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>thank you to @cosmic_darikano for letting me ramble a little to churn out this little fucker! hope you enjoy this ball of angsty feels :))</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Benny’s ready to turn in for the night when he hears a frantic banging on his door. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It’s almost midnight. He tiredly stumbles towards the door, feet tired from his long work shift. There’s a pang of annoyance in the back of his skull, but he steels his expression in the mirror, trying to look useful. When he opens the door, he does not expect to see Sonny and Pete. Sonny, with his eyes blotchy and red, expression something akin to the night Abuela went. Pete, arm protectively wrapped around Sonny’s side, looking to the nearest beacon of help. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Him. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You guys okay?” Benny worriedly hovers over Sonny especially, taking off his hat and ushering them inside. Sonny’s been holding this in, he can tell - by the way he lets out this flood of words on him, curling into Benny’s shoulder and hugging him as Pete watches, helpless to do anything. It then dawns on him, through Sonny’s broken whimpers, why they’re both here, when he utters Usnavi’s name. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“He’s gone,” Pete told him in a hushed tone. “Sonny called me over to stay with him before Usnavi got back, but we haven’t seen him since earlier. We stopped by the bodega and the salon and even the dispatch and Sonny’s been calling his phone since who knows when, but it’s like he’s off the grid.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>At the words, Sonny curls up in an even worse fetal position, arching his neck unhealthily. “He doesn’t like me anymore,” he sobbed out. “He keeps coming home late and he doesn’t talk anymore unless he has to and he doesn’t hate Pete anymore- ‘Navi’s gonna leave us for the Dominican Republic, and I’ll have to run the bodega all alone- Benny, help please-”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Shhh,” Benny holds Sonny to his chest, letting Sonny curl up against him and shake the hardest he has ever. “Usnavi would never leave you. He has you and the bodega to stay for, I’m sure - I know he loves you, Sonny.” </span>
  <em>
    <span>And I wish I was also a reason he stayed, </span>
  </em>
  <span>Benny silently added, willing himself to stay strong for the boy. He couldn’t cry and expect someone else to deal with this. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Pete stared at the door, and Benny knew that look. Oh, that was the look of questioning if he was allowed in here. Benny knew it all too well, the questions on his tongue a long ways ago. Where he stood in terms of a friend to the De La Vegas, in terms of Usnavi, perhaps still floating in the air. Perhaps Pete needed reassurance. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He turned back to Sonny, who seemed to have some semblance of his composure back. “If it helps,” Benny began. “Both of you can stay here for the meantime. I trust that you won’t trash my apartment while I search for your cousin,” he told the duo, trying to lift the mood with a small joke. Handling Sonny back to Pete with a small rub to his back, Benny cracked his knuckles and woke himself up mentally. Wherever Usnavi was, he hoped it was someplace safe. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Giving Pete a nod, he ran to the door and slipped on his sneakers. Hell to the fact that he had already showered - Usnavi was far more important. For safety purposes, he locked the door for Sonny and Pete, before proceeding to bolt down the stoop and try to fathom where to find him. Something in his gut told him to run where his legs led him, so he turned two lefts and ran west towards where the subway station went underground. </span>
  <em>
    <span>To Bennett Park. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The leaves had begun to rust, golden and orange dusting what used to be green. Streetlight illuminating his path, Benny speedwalked and let his eyes brush through every detail. Finding Usnavi in the dead of night was imperative, and though Bennett was not Central Park, it was still dark. It had been so long since they were completely shrouded in darkness - the breeze had begun to cool, summer shifting into autumn. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Benny walked a long way, up to where the park’s ground elevated and it got a little hilly, before he arrived at the scene of Usnavi. Usnavi, with his small figure hunched over and shaky. Side leaning against the back of the bench, knees pulled up to his chin just like Sonny did. Today may have been Throwback Tuesday, for Benny hadn’t seen Usnavi like this since Mateo and Rosa passed in the winter of 01. Scared, frightened, perhaps a little angry at the world. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>With the addition of alcohol.</span>
  </em>
  <span> He winced at the sight of the canister. Usnavi could be a little wild and far too honest under the influence. This could be a night. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey,” Benny called out, resting his hands in his pocket hesitantly. Usnavi’s head perked up quickly, body jolting in response to Benny’s voice cutting through the night. “Where the hell have you been, lil homie? Sonny’s been worried sick about you.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The scrawny one of them sniffled, before rubbing at his eyes vigorously and staring at him disbelievingly. “I might have to ask you,” he spat out with an air of bitterness as he mocked Benny. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Where the hell have you been?”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He scoffed. “I’ve been at home, and I still would be if it weren’t for Sonny showing up with Pete at my front door looking like someone died again.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Usnavi noticeably winced at his sharp words, and Benny opened his mouth to protest against it, but it looked like he wasn’t taking it. “I’m a burden to you,” he told Benny. “God, you ran all the way out here to find me. Isn’t this a throwback to a sorrier time?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t deflect this with humor,” Benny told him with a stern but soft tone. “Your cousin has been worried sick about you. Coming home late, not a single word in the mornings. You have a horrible poker face.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>A chuckle. “Oh no, you got me,” Usnavi sarcastically seethed. “Sonny will be fine without me, heh, I think it works the other way around. I’m the one falling apart here, and he’s going to fail because of it. I’m gonna become the worst cousin ever ‘cause I can’t get over my fucking parents!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>With the best look of sarcastic happiness he had ever earned, Usnavi grabbed his small flask and took a swig, Benny wincing once more as he watched him wipe his mouth. This was not the Usnavi he knew. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Benny cleared his throat, trying to keep his calm. “I’m not leaving till you come back, you know,” he assertively defended in his spot. “Sonny’s your legal dependent and you’re not giving up on him because you’re being petty about yourself. I’m not letting you leave him anymore.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>A grimace, before Usnavi stared at him. “Why the hell do you care so much?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“See, now you’re acting like him.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Like who?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Like my father.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Usnavi snorted, stirring up something in his gut. “This isn’t about you, Benny. You make everything about you, you self centered, egotistical,-” Almost tripping over his own step, he gripped the side of the bench, steadying himself. “Asshole.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m ignoring everything you’re saying in favor of helping you,” Benny said. “In fact, you’re acting like the asshole here, lil dude. If it takes slapping the cold hard truth in your face, you’re being a coward.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“‘M not a coward,” Usnavi mumbled. “And don’t call me that.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Great, he was pissing Usnavi off now. </span>
  </em>
  <span>“Call you what, lil dude?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“That- lil dude!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Well it used to be okay for you,” Benny poked his stomach. “What is up with you now?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He felt Usnavi tense up next to him all quiet, supposedly contemplating an answer before sighing. “I don’t know anymore,” he stammered out. “I don’t know what role I place in your life Benny. Or Sonny’s or the Rosarios and everyone and even myself. What the hell am I even doing?” There was another laugh, before Usnavi took another swig, this time harsher, before he sputtered out into a coughing fit. “Look at me,” he giggled out, before he fell against the bench. “I’m a fucking alcholic.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No you’re not,” Benny threw back, sitting himself next to him. “Usnavi, your life is not useless because you couldn’t honor your family. Don’t throw it away-”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Then what is it useful for? </span>
  <em>
    <span>What do I have left?!”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You idiot-” he flailed around, searching for his words, before he took Usnavi by the hands and breathed. “You have me! We’re supposed to look out for each other! Hell, I can’t count on one hand how many times you’ve been a lifesaver, but for god's sake, Usnavi you’re not a burden on everyone around you just because you couldn’t fulfill one dream for your parents!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Speechless, Usnavi sat there, lips slightly parted as Benny frustratedly tried to find the words to get across to him. “I’m here for you,” Benny told him. “Whether you like it or not, you’re my best friend, and I’m not standing around and watching you suffer because you think you’re inadequate-”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“How.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Benny paused his sermon, eyes entirely on Usnavi. “How can you say all of this,” he wetly trembled, gripping Benny’s dress shirt unconsciously as if it would keep him there. “How can you say all of this like you mean it?”</span>
  <span></span>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Because I do, Usnavi, what’s wrong- hey, Usnavi!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He quivered where he sat, before he curled in on himself and tears started falling. “Dont fucking promise me that,” he heartbrokenly wheezed out, voice scratchy in his throat as Benny held him. “Everyone has left me and so will you once you realize you're better than this whole block. Please don’t promise anything."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m not going anywhere that isn’t this block,” Benny whispered, running a hand up and down his back. “This block is amazing and we're going to show every white Wall Street fucker that they were wrong about us. Okay?"</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>A moment passed, and Benny was a little worried that he may have said something wrong, but Usnavi let out a shaky breath. “Really?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“As real as you can be.” Benny tells him, taking his hand. "We'll do this together, Usnavi. okay?"</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Usnavi looks him in the eyes, tears streaming down his cheek as he feels Benny try to wipe them away. Abuela and his parents will never be back, but he has to learn to let go of her sooner or later. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He smiles, a little scared. "Okay. We can head back home now if you’d like.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Benny sits up, ready to lead Usnavi back home through the dark of this secluded city park, but he stays glued to the bench, eyes on his lap as if they were contemplating. Patience and faith, he tells himself, and he stands beside Usnavi. He needs a moment to breathe in the fresh air and grieve. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“There’s one more thing,” Usnavi softly mumbles, standing up to try and speak to Benny. He’s ashamed that he can’t say his part without looking Benny in the eye, but he tries and Benny’s gaze is unfazeable. Solid, safe, almost hopeful. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m not sure of it entirely,” he continues. “But my heart’s in it and I can’t sit next to you without you knowing. If you don’t… feel the same, that’s fine, but-”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I know,” Benny whispers. “Do you want me to kiss you?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Please.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Benny’s gentle as a feather with him, hand rising to cup his face and tug him in. His lips are timid against Usnavi’s, cautiously brushing his before Usnavi delicately seals the gap between them. It’s peace, it’s blissful, and it’s all they could ever ask for. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Parting from Benny, he has so many questions waiting on the tip of his tongue. There’s a million things they need to talk about, such as who’s going to know that they’re a thing now and how everything’s going to change now that their hearts are both in it. He drops it in favor of wrapping his arms around Benny’s neck, letting the breeze hit them, before they head back home. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Home, where the other is. </span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>thank you for reading! come scream with me about these jerks @yo-let-me-get-a-milkyway on tumblr. kudos and comments are a lifeblood.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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